I totally forgot to post this last year. I meant to do it about five days after I got the cards out and then I didn't do it. Might have been the college and LDS missionary prep along with Christmas, a new job, a five kids. Anyway enjoy. With luck I might get the new one I drafted today out and up here before next year. - Kristen
Dear fellow humans (or aliens, I don’t judge),
Dear fellow humans (or aliens, I don’t judge),
I am back again to write this Christmas letter because my
mom said everyone thought it was hilarious last time I wrote it (you can tell I
love having my ego stroked.) Anyway, let’s get on with this so I can go do
something else.
First let’s begin with D. Ah, D. Mr. “I’m so
tall and bearded and manly that people think I’m 25 not 17.” Yes, him. He got
his Eagle this year. I know because I had to help with his court of honor (Tons
of work, guys) He’s done some stuff in choir (Mom, add something here. I
literally don’t know what D did this year.) I have to be nice to him
because he drives me to school. I don’t see him a lot, (no joke, he’s either at
school where I don’t see him, at work where I also don’t see him, or in his
room, or out with friends.) I don’t talk to him much, but I know he loves me
because he watches out for me in the parking lot. Just a tip, if you are
walking through a high school parking lot, bring someone tall and who will
watch the traffic for you or else you might get run over by some speeding
teenager.
Ugh, I just read what I’ve written. I sound like your
typical teenage girl. Maybe I should write how D would write this. Have
you ever read something that kid wrote?
“The Russian
Federation was no longer a great player in international politics in the ‘90’s.
The country was becoming obsolete. Gone were the times when the Soviet Union
dictated the paths of its vassal states and allies. Under Putin, a
reorganization took place. The corruption and misuse of government funds by the
“oligarchs” was eliminated. The Russian economy has steadily grown at a rate of
seven percent (Starobin). Putin’s decisions in consolidating and organizing the
Russian Federation have led to great domestic success.”
I grabbed that
from some paper he wrote on Vladimir Putin like two years ago! Pretty
impressive stuff, eh? Oh well, I’ve always known I’d never be able to write as
well as D. Might as well resign myself to that fact.
Next is me, M. Not much to say besides that I’m
amazing. I um… this year I… This is awkward. I’m 15 and a freshman in high
school now. That’s pretty cray cray. (Cray cray means crazy for those of you
out of the loop.) I’m in choir, Spanish, and Key Club (the key club isn’t by
personal choice. I kind of got sucked into that by a girl who seems to like
D. Not that service groups are bad things!) I’ve been baking lots and
I’ve also been playing the piano a lot lately which my mom is happy about. Can
I brag real quick? I really want to. I just wanted to mention that I’m in
honors Algebra II which is 11th grade math and I have an A! Woot,
Woot! Sorry, I’m just so happy! In case you feel like my bragging was too much,
I’ll put in something bad about myself. I’m kind of sucking at taking care of
my diabetes. Yeah, I have an A1C of 9.0, or something like that. That’s pretty
bad. Now I’m sad. And feel worthless. I think I’ll just tell you about Enow.
E is tall. Taller than me tall. And I know I’m only 5’5”,
but he’s still like 5’8-9” and only 13 and in 8th grade. Wow. He’s
taller than me when I’m wearing really tall heels. He’s also playing the
clarinet in band. And he’s in FLL, or First Lego League which means he builds
robots out of Legos. It sounds boring and difficult to me, but he seems to
enjoy it so good for him. I asked him something good he did this year and he
said “puppies”. Personally, that sounds pretty cool to me, but I also know he
had nothing to do with puppies this year so he’s lying. Liar, liar pants on
fiyah! Did you know lying is spelled with a ‘Y’?
C, who is 12, is in 6th grade. He’s very
proud of grades. (Yes C, I know you have A’s, I have A’s too. You don’t
need to brag. My A’s are just as high as your A’s. Plus I have an A in art and
you don’t because you obviously are far too hard on your self-graded
assignments. Learn to relax, it’s art for crying out loud. You could paint a
canvas blue and call it art and people would buy it for lots of money, ‘cause
that legitimately happened.) He does stuff called percussion, which I did last
year in eighth grade, but I’m not bragging. He also is about to do some basketball
with B and does FLL with E, so that’s fun for him I guess.
B, recently discovered a love for Doctor Who. He is now
a Whovian. I accidently got him started on this path because I am like that. He
also likes Minecraft. Actually, they all like Mincraft, except D. Some of
their stuff is pretty impressive. B is eleven, no wait he’s nine. No, no
he’s 10. He is definitely 10. And I know he’s in 5th grade because
he still gets track break. Lucky duck. He is pretty funny (though not as funny
as me) and does stuff. I don’t know what though. (Mom, put something here too!)
I really don’t know what my parents do. Mom got a job as a
receptionist at the same place D works, Journey Mental Health clinic, or as my friend
put it so eloquently the other day “The crazy people place”, *sniff* their name
just brings tears to my eyes.
My dad works to buy me stuff. No one else, just me (well I
guess he works to buy all the stinkin’ food my brothers eat. They eat a lot.
And I guess he pays for the stuff mom buys. And the stuff he buys for his bike.
Did I mention he rides bikes? All the freaking time! Well, that’s actually a
lie. He more rides his bikes sometimes and walks a lot with mi madre because
they wanted to walk 1000 miles this year. He also tries to get me to do stuff,
but I’m just like “ain’t nobody got time for that!”) He also is pretty annoying
sometimes, but I’m working on my anger issues and just ignoring him instead of
punching him (but I could totally take him if I wanted to).
So, this is done. And now I get to go do something else. I’m
so excited! As a grand finale, I will finish off with some Spanish!
No me gusta
escribir ninguna palabra, pero me gusta leer muchas palabras y ver películas. ¿Te
gustan las hamburguesas? ¡Adiós señores
y señoritas!
-La familia de
Schafers
