Closing My Green Monster Eyes

Iago:

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock

The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss,

Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger:

Othello Act III, Scene 3, 165–171 

Portia:

How all the other passions fleet to air,

As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,

And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy!

Merchant of Venice Act III, Scene 2, 110-113

A man I revere for his wise words said recently, "There are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt - and certainly not to become envious - when good fortune comes to another person."

He struck on a human frailty that I have tried to bury within myself for years.  Shakespeare likely coined the phrase, a green eyed monster, to describe the human condition of jealousy or envy. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins. Deadly because it, in Holland's words, "requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know!" In its worse form, envy brings us to the point of destroying our peace of mind, our individual worth, and our relationships with others.

This is not a problem for me with people I love. It is easy for me to see how wonderful they are and how worthy of every good thing they receive. My problem comes with people who have ignored or hurt me in the past. People who are so busy in their lives achieving greatness, that they rarely have time for me. Often they are kind and talented people, but they are too busy to take time to be my friend, so I don't see all of the reasons behind what they do.

I feel bad about this problem. Even as I grumble about their amazing feats and state of blessedness, I know that I should be thinking happy thoughts about them.

"So how?" I ask myself. "How do I move beyond the feelings of jealousy and competition with those people?"

Learning to love them would help, but every time I get close to them I get hurt.It is hard to be unacceptable, less of a person, even if it is only in my own mind. Sometimes they are kind. Maybe they even genuinely like me, but the enormous level of cacophony they create as they create their sparkly and intricate lives drives me absolutely to the edge of my coping skills. I am losing my grip on sanity just by hearing about their daily accomplishments. Their apparent productivity dwarfs my inaction, and I am jealous.

It is hard to listen to them tout their newest hobby and venture into painting their ceiling to resemble the Sistine Chapel with their own LDS doctrinally sound theme. Researched and documented of course. Done while lying flat on the floor with excruciating back problems which prevented them for one short week from doing the cooking and cleaning, but didn't slow down the activity level of their 15 children ages 2-15. (Three sets of twins; none of which show on their perky and petite frame.) The children soon will become vocal, piano, ballet, chess, clogging, soccer, baseball, fencing, modeling, skydiving, and academic prodigies. Oh and the spouse was out of town three out of every four weeks of each of the winter months while this Mount Everest-like event occurred. (Most of the numbers and hobbies have been changed to protect the person. While based in truth this is a slight exaggeration, but only slight.)

Or listen to another bear testimony of blessings from the pulpit including always having enough money to buy the nooks, i pads, new cars, and family vacations they need because they pay their tithing each month. Additionally they are loved of the Lord since to make the cruise boat to points south of rain soaked Western Idaho, thus saving their marriage, family life, and sanity.

My problem is to move beyond envy...

Because, after all, Holland says, "...coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."

So I will, I will be kind and grateful for all that I have and all that they have -- even if it means that I have smile and figuratively close my green eyes, plug my ears, and say, "La, la, la, la. I can't hear you!" the next time one of those super human folks tells me how amazing and blessed they are.

Jeffrey R. Holland Quotes from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints General Conference - April 2012