Little increases bring forth great blessings

For the last several years, a couple of my children have participated in track and field events at their middle school. None chose to do high jump, instead they threw shot and disc and either ran the shortest races or the longest race. One did participate in long and triple jump. But despite their lack of interest in high jump, I have spent quite a large amount of time waiting in the parking lot waiting for practice to end, watching 6th, 7th, and 8th graders perfect the Fosbury flop style high jump.

Wikipedia describes the flop like this - 

"The Fosbury Flop is a style used in the athletics event of high jump. It was popularized and perfected by American athlete Dick Fosbury first in 1965 and whose gold medal in the 1968 Summer Olympics brought it to the world's attention. Over the next few years the flop became the dominant style of the event and remains so today. Before Fosbury, most elite jumpers used the straddle technique, Western Roll, Eastern cut-off or even scissors jump to clear the bar. Given that landing surfaces had previously been sandpits or low piles of matting, high jumpers of earlier years had to land on their feet or at least land carefully to prevent injury. With the advent of deep foam matting high jumpers were able to be more adventurous in their landing styles and hence experiment with styles of jumping.

The approach (or run-up) in the Flop style of high jump is characterized by (at least) the final four or five steps being run in a curve, allowing the athlete to lean into his or her turn, away from the bar. This allows the center of gravity to be lowered even before knee flexion, giving a longer time period for the take-off thrust. Additionally, on take-off the sudden move from inward lean outwards produces a rotation of the jumper's body along the axis of the bar, aiding clearance.Combined with the rotation around the jumper's vertical axis produced by the drive leg (think of an ice skater spinning round on the spot) the resulting body position on bar clearance is laid out supine with the body at ninety degrees to the bar with the head and shoulders crossing the bar before the trunk and legs. This gives the Flop its characteristic "backwards over the bar" appearance, with the athlete landing on the mat on their shoulders and back."

Just like in the high jump event, in life the bar constantly is raised. The bar could represent many different things in a person's life, but the constant is that it is inching upward as you continue to work. Once you get competent at a skill, more is expected. It gets rather tiring/discouraging to have this constantly advancing target, but it is important for our growth.

Elder L. Tom Perry told a story about his son, Lee, and a high jump bar. Elder Perry came home from a trip to find his son practicing the high jump in their basement:

"Lee was a member of his high school track team—he both sprinted and high-jumped. During the 1968 Summer Olympic Games held in Mexico City, the world became enamored with a little-known high jumper named Dick Fosbury. He had experimented with a new high-jumping technique that involved sprinting diagonally toward the bar, then curving and leaping backward over the bar. It came to be called the Fosbury flop. 

Like many others, Lee was intrigued by this new technique, but until the new school year started, he didn’t have a place to practice it. I came home one evening to find him practicing the Fosbury flop in our basement. He had set up two makeshift standards by stacking chairs, and he was jumping over a broomstick set on the chairs, using a sofa to cushion his landing. It was very clear to me that the sofa would not hold up under such treatment, so I called a halt to his indoor high-jumping. Instead, I invited him to go with me to a sporting-goods store, where we purchased some foam padding to use for landing and high-jumping standards so he could move the activity out of doors. 

After experimenting with the Fosbury flop, Lee decided to return to the western-roll technique that he had used previously. Still, through the end of the summer into the fall, he practiced high-jumping for many hours in our backyard. 

One evening as I returned home from work, I found Lee practicing his jumping. I asked, 'How high is the bar?' He said, 'Five feet, eight inches.' 'Why that height?' He answered, 'You must clear that height to qualify for the state track meet.' 'How are you doing?' I asked. 'I can clear it every time. I haven’t missed.' My reply: 'Let’s raise the bar and see how well you do then.' He replied, 'Then I might miss.' I queried, 'If you don’t raise the bar, how will you ever know your potential? 

So we started moving the bar up to five feet, ten inches; then to six feet; and so on, as he sought to improve. Lee became a better high jumper because he was not content with just clearing the minimum standard. He learned that even if it meant missing, he wanted to keep raising the bar to become the best high jumper he was capable of becoming."

Yesterday I thought about the bar. I thought about how in the LDS church raising the bar is a pretty standard phrase. I probably thought about it because Elder Ballard was part of a video we watched on the topic of our third hour class, "Making the Sabbath a Delight". A member of our bishopric spoke and lead a discussion using a video of a training workshop video made during the LDS April 2015 General Conference. In the workshop video, we saw then Elder Nelson, Elder Cook and Elder Ballard. Along with the three apostles, we heard from Sister Wixom and Sister Oscarson. 

I only remember parts of the talks they each gave. Really not much to be honest. But I do remember what the Spirit taught me. Our bishopric member asked the question, "Did your experience today during the Sacrament bring you closer to God?" (Actually I have no idea what his real question was. It was similar to that. Or maybe that is just what I needed to hear and remember. In any case, did you actually get something out of the sacrament today was basically the point.) His follow up questions was, "If the answer was no, why not?"

Now I have little idea what exactly happened after that question for a large part of the class. I was busy pondering my experience, or lack thereof, during the sacrament that day. My experience most days during the blessing and passing of the sacrament involves reading a General Conference talk on my tablet and trying really hard not to watch the deacons pass the sacrament because watching them DRIVES ME CRAZY. 

I generally have two, to three sons passing any given week. At one point in life I pondered whether it is my job to help them do a better job. The answer I have come to is basically no. Not my stewardship. So in order to keep any sort of spirit, I DO NOT WATCH.

Unfortunately yesterday a few things came together. One was me not preparing during the week for the sacrament. One was me choosing to have the family travel together to church rather than in two cars. (I believe this was a good choice despite the outcome.) One was the person in our family, who shall remain nameless, but who gets to church three minutes before the meeting starts regardless of the time of day that the meeting starts. One was the eight new families who have moved into our ward and taken up all the room farther up in the chapel where it is easier to ignore the disaster being perpetuated week after week. (Okay it isn't really that bad; it is just a bunch of mostly 12 year olds trying to nonverbally coordinate efforts and serve everyone in a room roughly the size of a basketball court. Oh and a group of teachers and priests who haven't clued into the fact that we have far more people than two months ago and therefore we REALLY DO NEED THAT EXTRA TRAY OF WATER ON THE TABLE during the blessing of the water instead of sitting back in the prep room.) 

Probably the biggest distraction was me not being prepared. But when that cute new little deacon who has now passed for about two weeks about smacked my husband in the nose offering him the bread tray at eye level, my husband jumped. And I noticed. Then I got distracted from the talk I was reading. At which point, my mind zoomed to all the things I needed to get done Sunday, and then Monday, and then the rest of the week. 

I was like a freight train barreling down the TO DO LIST TRACK. Completely aware of the movement around me. Not enjoying the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Now I suspect that the Holy Ghost said, “There she goes into Martha mode. Well so much for the plans I had to help her come closer to Christ this week. So much for the blessing of the Atonement today. Shift modes. I will give her some inspiration about what to get done on her list. She wants to carry on today, on her own, for yet another week."

So two hours later, facing the question, "What did you get out of the Sacrament today?" My answer to myself sounded a lot like, "I wish you had asked a month ago, when I had the best sacrament experience of my life. Unfortunately the answer today is not much."

Fortunately God is good and merciful and He takes us where we are and tries continually to redirect. And two hours after the sacrament and now almost twenty four hours later, I have a lot more insight than I did when I partook of the bread and water yesterday.

And most of what I have is this. God wants us to do better. He keeps encouraging us to raise our own bar so we can get closer to him. Today He is asking us to make the Sabbath Day a delight, but ultimately all of it leads back to becoming "even as I am, and I am even as the Father; and the Father and I are one." (3 Nephi 28:10)

They want us to be like Them. Their bar is high - higher than we can jump. And They can actually get us there, but we will never be able to jump it if we sit on the dirty parking lot and don't try. So we need to (in this case) keep coming to church on Sunday. Keep trying to find ways to improve our Sabbath Day worship. Praying for answers and blessings, and if it comes down to it, employ spit grit, and a whole lot of duct tape to drag ourselves to the meeting and get something more out of the sacrament today, than we did last week.

Because They can totally work with us if we keep going and practicing and running at that bar and trying. And we will get better at it, little by little. And eventually our weaknesses will be strengthens and our small and simple works will, with the help of the Lord, achieve eternal life.

Sacrifice Brings forth the Blessings of Heaven

As 2015 starts I have, as in years past, created a vision statement for my year. You can look back here to see 2012, here for 2013, and here for 2014.

I just looked through those statements. I see that I had tremendous growth in my personal approach to life in 2012. That was when I gave up having to control everything, let go of worrying about achieving perfection in everything, and pretty much quit worrying over what others might think of my efforts.

2013 included a complete shift in my attitude toward exercise and my desire to do it. I stopped fighting it. I started doing it, and now that is a habit, a pursuit I enjoy doing 3-6 times a week. In some ways it was a big change. In others, it was just a simple choice followed by a year long daily slog through the things that would have held me back. Because I had loosened the tight hold on other things, I was able to pick up this opportunity to control something about myself and move it along.

In 2014 I just tried to stand strong because lots of change outside of me occurred. I did lots of things, some of them really difficult. I did them nearly everyday because that is what the year required. I did new things like help launch a child into the world, like literally into the scary world in a dangerous place where anarchy and war are not that distant. The child is in Guatemala working to bring himself into submission to the will of the Lord and attempting to teach others the blessings of sacrificing an old way of life, or set of traditions, for a better way of hope and growth.

When I first considered my "mantras" for the last two years, I felt at first like I had not done much. Not like 2012 which saw me totally changing a part of who I have been for 45 years, ie. a worrywart. But as I have written this, I see that the last two years have been hard and they have included lots of change. What stayed constant was my peaceful approach to life that God blessed me to see the need to achieve in 2012. Instead of fighting the change and trying to control it but being battered and tossed in the process, I have been riding on the change like a surfer rides a wave. It is a much more fulfilling way to progress.

What I now see is that over the past two years, I have maintained that ability to be at peace and accepting of what comes. I have maintained that new habit until it has become a part of me.

So when I look inside, ponder, and pray for guidance on where I should focus, I keep getting the word sacrifice. I think I know what that means. I think it is time to change myself again. It is time to sacrifice my will and some of my comfort in order grow and become a better me. A person more in touch with myself, my significant people, and my God.

We each have the right to make choices. It is our birthright.

Choosing to sacrifice is difficult. It goes against lazy. It often negates comfort and ease. But choosing not to sacrifice is still a choice.

Choosing not to sacrifice leaves me fighting to either stay somewhere that I don't belong or stagnating and slipping backward into less than I want to be. And ending up bruised and battered in the fight.

Choosing to sacrifice parts of myself that are holding me back will lead to growth and becoming more than I currently am. If I do it with the guidance of the Spirit, it will lead me to becoming more than I can imagine. It will take me to what God wants me to become, which is really the heart of sacrifice, forgoing my will in favor of the will of the Father.

So this year's theme is SACRIFICE, GROW, BECOME.

And I know that at least part of that sacrifice involves the goals I set in 2012, but didn't achieve. I am kind of excited about it. I have a plan. And I think I have better tools than I did then. We will see.

Four Words - 2014

Over the last few years I have chosen a theme for my year. In 2012 it was to be more mindful. 2013 was steadfast endurance in mindful faith. 

This year I was draw to this scriptural thought:

"they were...exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; 

but behold, this was not all - they were...true at all times..." 1 

This is a reference to the characteristics of 2,000 young soldiers. They were preparing for war, a war that they did not chose to enter, but that was thrust upon them by their enemy. They marched forth to protect their parents, their siblings, and others in their country. And they fought with exceeding courage and faith. They were strong and active men who above all were true to their families, their beliefs, and their God.

Now it might seem strange that I have been drawn to something written about people in war, but I find that I often feel like I am in a war. For [ I ] wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickness in high places. 2  Not that life is one continual fight, but there is often something unseen pulling me down, pushing me away from truth, or blocking me from feeling the joy and happiness that I am entitled to feel. 

And I am tired of it. 

Spencer W. Kimball taught that the fight against Satan and his forces “is not a little skirmish with a half-willed antagonist, but a battle royal with an enemy so powerful, entrenched, and organized that we are likely to be vanquished if we are not strong, well-trained, and watchful.”3

He continued, "[Satan] never sleeps—he is diligent and persevering. He analyzes carefully his problem and then moves forward diligently, methodically to reach that objective. He uses all five senses and man’s natural hunger and thirst to lead him away. He anticipates resistance and fortifies himself against it. He uses time and space and leisure. He is constant and persuasive and skillful. He uses such useful things as radio, television, the printed page, the airplane, and the car to distort and damage. He uses the gregariousness of man, his loneliness, his every need to lead him astray. He does his work at the most propitious time in the most impressive places with the most influential people. He overlooks nothing that will deceive and distort and prostitute. He uses money, power, force. He entices man and attacks at his weakest spot. He takes the good and creates ugliness. … He uses every teaching art to subvert man." 4

No wonder I am tired.

So I have decided to arm myself better this year and I have four words and some plans to help me.

The words are Courage, Strength, Activity, and Truth.

When I am down, I will repeat them to myself. When I feel like the world is over powering me, I will repeat them. When I am sure that the very gates of hell are gaping open against me, I will speak them out loud.

I will ponder them and I will think of witty blog posts about them. And sometimes I will manage to remember them long enough to type them up and share.

I will also read the Book of Mormon as fast as I can in the next few days and weeks and post what I learn each day on Facebook, because I am evil and vague like that. Only those of you who read to the end of this post will know that is what is going on. And you will feel like you are part of my team cheering me on in battle. 

Or you won't. I am okay either way, but thought I'd let you in on my victory in case you've got nothing better to do with yourself.

So off I go merrily along through another year. I'm kind of excited to see what happens and what I learn. I know it will be soul shaping what ever it is.

The End of 2013 - Wrap Up

I set a few goals, or maybe after reading this article by James Clear, I should call them systems. Either way I made plans in 2013 to improve myself.

One of those plans was to basically press forward enduring in faith.

Another was to walk a 1,000 miles. I didn't come up with that plan until the end of April at which point I had walked about 20 or 30 miles. That left me with a lot of walking to catch up on before the end of the year.

I learned lots of things as I pressed forward walking. One was that despite the fact that the Mormon and Oregon Trail pioneers traveled 1,300 miles and 2,000 miles respectively, people who go on re-enactments will be lucky to get in 20 miles. I personally estimate 18 for the Trek I went on in June. It didn't help me much towards my 1,000, but I did gain experience that I am grateful for.

Other things I learned were about setting big goals and actually achieving them. Eating an elephant as it were.

My husband is the Merit Badge counselor for the BSA Personal Fitness Merit Badge. I have heard him say this before, but this year in the midst of walking 1,000 miles, it resonated. He tells the Scouts that most of us know what we should be doing and many of us have a plan that breaks it out into doable steps. But we get tripped in the next part.

We need to track the plan and make sure that we are actually doing what we planned to do and on course to complete our goal. James Clear calls this type of accounting feedback loops. The BSA calls it tracking your progress for 3 months. Mothers call it a pain in the neck, but regardless, it is a vital part of actually reaching a goal. (Not just over 3 month merit badges. Reading logs are the same thing.)

So often, we think that we are following our plan because we have made it and it seems like we remember doing whatever we said we would as often as we said we would. Unfortunately we haven't tracked it, and we are making up what we think we have done based on our plan not on actuality.

An example of this happened just over a week ago. I was at lunch with some friends. One asked how my walking was coming. Another who didn't know of the goal was very impressed with the 1,000 miles. She asked if I have a goal for next year. I do it is to exercise 525 hours over the course of the year. She quickly estimated how much she does, or thinks she does, and said, "Oh I do that. That shouldn't be hard."

Now here is the question I mentally put to her, "How do you know that is really what you do? Do you track it?"

Because having finished walking 1,000 miles last night on December 31 at 5:30pm, I know that it actually only took 300 hours or so to do that much walking. (Thanks to my dear husband who tracked it all for me. FYI - if you can find someone who loves to track things, who is also willing to do a lot of the work with you, it will be easier to finish the plan.)

I am sure that my friend thought to herself, "I go to the gym five days a week and I spend two hours." But does she spend two hours working out? Does she really go five days a week? What about the weeks when a kid is sick, or when they are on family vacation? How many hours are really spent?

Maybe she really spends 10 hours a week exercising, but maybe she only thinks she does. It is similar to using an eating log. Strangely when I actually do it, I lose weight. Just like when I walked between 3-8 miles five days a week, I got stronger leg muscles and trimmed inches overall.

But the process took all four parts

1. A knowledge of what I need to do and how to do it
2. A plan to accomplish it broken out into achievable portions
3. The will to do it
4. Tracking the progess

So I have a plan for next year. I'll let you know about it in the coming days. But in putting 2013 to bed, I want to remind myself of this...

• Making a plan is important
• Enduring even through stormy, nasty, cold weather is vital
• Keeping track of your progress toward the end goal is necessary
• Probably nobody is going to have a party for you when you finish (but if you planned Chinese takeout for dinner who cares)
• You will develop some good muscles for later use
• You may not lose anything, but you will gain boundless abilities and insights

Trek Observation #1 - I'm Melting...

I pretended to be a pioneer family for the last three days with my husband, two of my children, and the children of six other people. We dragged handcarts through dust and sagebrush. Seventy people were out there in the Owyhee Desert near Nyssa, Oregon. Forty-eight of them were youth ages 12-18.

(May I comment here parenthetically that Eastern Oregon looks pretty much like Southern Wyoming.)

The temperatures were hot the first day in the 80's and scorching the next two at over 100.

I learned somethings.

You can die in freezing cold and from starvation like the Willie and Martin Handcart companies AND you can die while being too well fed, but HOTTER THAN HECK.

If it is HOTTER THAN HECK, the modern day trekker has a difficult time sympathizing with the Willie and Martin pioneers.

We didn't die. We didn't even lose the diabetic, although it was a possibility that last day. We kept walking and stopping, and walking and stopping, and frying and broiling, and walking and stopping. Coming on the heels of the previous day of baking and walking, it was brutal. Lucky for the diabetic there was a rhino behind us. (Unlucky for the rest of us, there wasn't a herd of rhinos.)

No not this kind

But this kind

She got to eat candy and ride into the Emerald City, also know as Camp HyCliffs.

While the grass at HyCliffs is weed and clover filled; it appeared like a heavenly oasis to those of us who traveled the 20 miles through the dusty, scorching desert. Which brings me to the first of several observations. If you don't believe in life after death you can stop reading now. Maybe the next trek installment will interest you more...

That last day as we walked along, one of the other leaders of the youth group stood on the side of the trail and heckled us. He said things like "Turn back now!" "This isn't worth the work!" "You will never get to the end."

If he'd had a cooler of ice, he might have gotten several of us to stop and get bogged down in the heat even longer.

And isn't that just like life?

I know that there is a God looking out for us and providing a path through the wilderness. I also know that there is an opposing force that is trying to pull us away from progression to our goal - to be to together with our family in a cool, shady, and WONDERFUL place.

That opposing force, who I will call Satan, uses everything to distract us and pull us away, He promises that his offerings are worthwhile, desirable, even COOL like ice. Yet his distractions generally seem to last about as long as crushed ice cubes in a 103 degree desert. And then we sit sad, still stuck along the side of the trail, hot, wet, and sometimes facing a rattle snake.

Most vital lesson from trek #1 -- It is important to know the goal. It is important to keep walking toward the goal. Otherwise you are going to suffer and fry in the desert wasteland. (And no you won't get enough water to help you melt away into a puddle. Any water you get will be the same temperature as your bathwater. In the end, you will melt from the inside out.)

Sublesson -- Sunscreen is a modern day gift from God.

A New Year = Progression

Last year I wrote that my goal was to be more mindful.

By that I believe I meant more mentally and emotionally present in the happenings of my daily life. Paying more attention to the people and steeping in the moments.

In many ways I achieved that, but something else also occurred along the way. Somewhere, some how, I let go of needing control. Needing perfection. Needing to hold myself to the vision of my day.

Some how in the process of becoming more involved and mindful, I became more aware. More conscious of the needs of myself and others. Less worried about the task and its completion.

I started better listening to the quiet promptings and following them instead of my daily agenda.

I also gave up procrastinating due to worry over doing things perfectly. I didn't have the time to plan the project from every angle. I thought it through once, if I could, and then did it. (Except for that whole thing with the Ag license for the poinsettias. I'm sorry to those who had to live through me worrying that to death.)

It has been a good year. I rid myself of some tasks and habits that weighed me down. I lost a few pounds too. I took on more responsibilities in many parts of my life, but gave up need to be perfect in others, thereby accomplishing more. Granted it wasn't always as pretty as it used to be, but it worked just as well. I also got much better at calling anyone and everyone who might be able to help me accomplish the tasks.

I grew and that is all that really matters in the end.

So this year's goal --

Press forward steadfastly and continue with mindful faith.

stead-fast

adjective

1. fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.

2. firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc., as a person: a steadfast friend.

3. unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.

Though my house may be a disaster much of the time and my to do list never is done, I will continue to try and choose the better part daily. Though I may be slow at accomplishing some of my goals, I will continue to progress and always try to be present for the most vital parts of my life.

And if I must, I will go on that dang Pioneer Trek.

(I hope I don't.)

I need to find some brain power and accomplish something...

I've spent a lovely hour  reading blogs. I love blogs - well written blogs anyway. Okay and blogs that are totally mommy bragging but give me some dirt on somebody I know, but not well enough to really know all of that stuff about them.  As my daughter would say, "Stalker..."

Anyway I've been reading great blogs and thinking how I want to make a comment to the world about something political, or something touching, or just figure out how to put tabs across the top of my blog.

Here I sit yearning to accomplish something big, but the fog is rapidly rolling in from the intestinal virus I suffered from yesterday. The reality of my 6+ hours of volunteering at the high school Valentine's Choir Gig tonight looms in the near future. And my bed looks so warm and inviting. Sigh...

Maybe I'll conquer the world tomorrow. For now it's naptime.

Resolutions - Focus on Being Mindful

I resolve to do something with myself this year.
In other words I will hang out with myself and enjoy the time I spend together with myself.

I will also do something with myself by changing who I am. 
This will occur as I continue my quest to health and happiness by lessening my reliance on food and deeping my relationships with my husband, children, and the elliptical machine.

I will finally do something with myself by getting done already.
I will plan, organize, and accomplish some projects that have been hanging around since the children appeared to slow me down from being with myself and doing stuff which I enjoy, as opposed to spending time with people who I enjoy, mostly.