Princes in Frog Clothing

This Mormon Ad came out while I attended USU for college. I hung it on my closet door. I looked at it a lot and wondered if I was giving guys a good enough chance. I mean they weren't the only ones who thought some of them were frogs.

With this is my mind, I attended an institute dance and as usual agreed to a pity dance. A pity dance is a dance with a guy who is seriously handicapped socially. This particular guy was about 26, chewed WAYYYY too much Big Red, and struggled to talk and perform the Deacon sidestep on the dance floor at the same time. But I felt bad for him, and determined to dance with him (ONE TIME) at each dance. (He was also not very attractive, but that wasn't something he had much control over, so I tried to ignore it.)

So after many weeks, maybe even years, of Tute dances, this man asked me if I would like to go on a date to ride his dirt bike up the canyon. While I really still wasn't interested in him, I'd never been on a dirt bike and besides, dating at that point was rather sparse and who knew, maybe this guy was a prince in frog's clothing. So I agreed to go out with him the next Tuesday.

He arrived at my apartment with his dirt bike and a helmet for each of us. He used this bike for traveling back and forth to his classes and had a plastic milk crate to hold his stuff bungee corded onto the back. This meant that I had to lift my leg up to about mid chest height to climb on behind him. AWKWARD!

Off we went and I held on for dear life. We drove down onto the Island and south out to Providence Canyon. Then the bouncing and jouncing began. I held on tighter and hoped to live through the experience of being tossed around by the rocky road. Finally he decided to pull over and take a rest.

Looking down the canyon was beautiful. I gathered my thoughts together and began a painfully slow conversation.

"So what do you do in your spare time?"

"Oh mostly I go to school to learn to repair large engines and ride bikes."

"So what do you like to do in the winter when it is too cold to ride?"

"I just ride out on the flats. You can ride bikes all year round."

"Do you do any other sorts of things besides the engines and bike riding?"

 "That's mostly all I do."

Into my mind flashed the experiences of my past week in Cedar City, Utah watching hours of amazing Shakespearian plays with a roommate and her aunts. And then, years spent working as a teacher in Cache Valley instead of home with children, struggling to make ends meet and raising all those children who would likely end up with brain damage from falling off the stupid motorcycles crowded my mind. Years bereft of cultural experiences and learning about stuff I liked.

We talked a little more and then headed back down the canyon. It was just as bumpy and unenjoyable. Then he yelled that he wanted to stop off at his place.

His place was the house he still shared with his parents. He introduced me to his mom and a brother. Then he asked if I wanted to go out back and jump on the trampoline. Sure, why not?

Out we went and the next thing I knew his brother was out there to chaperone us. Apparently we, could be trusted alone in the hills, but not in the gathering dark of the backyard. (Eye rolling still occurring about this one. He was 26 years old for crying out loud!)

After not too long, I begged off on staying later, claiming homework. Back on the dreadful bike we went to my apartment. He walked me to the door and then TRIED TO KISS ME!!!

Seriously, what was he thinking?

I executed the quick head turn evasive move and immediately said good bye and zipped inside my door.

Then I proceeded to ignore his calls for about a week until finally I told him, thanks but we have no future. Sorry.

The moral of this story is while all guys are princes,  not all are meant for me. I hope he found his princess. I never looked back.